Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Idlewild

So here it is.
2010 is coming.
The air smells ominous.
We blinked, got gassed up on hope and the next thing you know it’s the dawn of a new decade.
2010
Twenty-ten
The second half is half of the first half.
The 2nd ½ is ½ of the 1st ½.
In preparation for what is shaping up to be “the yea” (MA accent)
I’m taking some steps. Making some changes. Summing some summations.
One ever notable one is that as of today I am in possession of a computer with a fully functional keyboard. No more copying and pasting non-operational keys like my Ms, Ss, and periods from other portions of the screen or from the alphabet notepad file on my desktop. Also strange and unfamiliar to me is that the screen on this laptop stays up on its own, unlike the one I had been using for the last year. At first my old laptop’s screen would only stay upright if you found one of its two sweet spots. As of a couple months ago the screen would collapse back of forth unless it was propped in place, usually with a pen. While this new machine operates manifestly slower, having a functional keyboard is a necessary trade off for the time being. My hope and aspiration is that it lends itself to much more regular writing on my part and also accelerates my ability to find a new job.
I am also starting a new low calorie and low carbohydrate diet. It’s planned out by doctors (namely my “coach”, my aunt Farideh). The majority of my food intake will consists of 5 servings of pre-ordered food such as shakes, bars, and whathaveyous. In addition there is one other meal per day which should be “Lean and Green” and very calorie and carbohydrate restricted. Thus I will be essentially giving up the sauce so long as I am on this plan. This is another big change which will no doubt improve my life, I have ordered a months supply of the food and will begin most likely next Monday after I’ve picked up the package which is waiting at my mom’s house in Stamford.
I’ve coupled this diet with a new gym membership. Two great things about the Chelsea Recreation Center are its proximity to my place (3 blocks away) and the price ($75 for the whole year). The gym is very bare bones and will likely often be crowded, but I have a secret weapon to help me. I purchased an SD card and reader for my phone, along with headphones that fit the proprietary jack verizon has so kindly installed on it. With these tools I have made an mp3 player of my phone. Already I have found myself doing sit-ups, crunches, and push-ups in my room while wearing the earplugs.
While it may not be the theme for 2010, the theme for the time being is most certainly “grit”.
Chop wood.
Carry water.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Thrilling Threats, Fears and Lies of the Midterm Election Primary


I've been working for Doug "Biv Against the Machine" Biviano, who is running for City Council in Brooklyn's 33rd district. Saturday morning I was headed to the office in Brooklyn to get ready for an 11 am press conference where Congressman Dennis Kucinich would be endorsing Doug's City Council run...A big deal for me and for a campaign fighting to build momentum in its last hours(As I write this I'm overcome by the thought that I should be trying to sleep instead as polls open in less than 8 hours!)
I left my apartment in Manhattan a bit later than I had hoped (I usually give myself an hour for the 20-40 minute sojourn). My (YELLOW) elevated level of fear of being late reached an (ORANGE) heightened level when I got to the train station and realized that the 2 and 3 express train which I desired was running local! OB VI OUSLY! Because its a de facto rule in nyc these days that the train schedules will be jived up in some way on the weekends. This is a point which has particularly bothered me since every job I've had in the city has included weekends...fnugh.
Just before the now local 2 train I was riding on reached 14th street the train came to an all stop in the middle of the tunnel. After a moment the conductor announced the standard response to being told to stop "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are being delayed due to train traffic ahead of us, please be patient, we will be moving shortly" which could and does apply to anything. No real cause for greater worry, until a few minutes passed and the conductor repeated his announcement. Then again a few minutes later. Finally, after about 15 or 20 minutes, the conductor gave us the bit more slender skinny that "We are being held because there is a stalled train at 14th Street, we will be moving as soon as it is cleared". While moans and groans were abound, there wasn't much panic because at least we've been given a slightly clearer picture of what is actually happening. The conductor repeated his announcement every few minutes, but there was still no cause for raising lateness fears to (RED) severe levels: until the conductor made an almost identical announcement with the addition of a well annunciated "INDEFINITELY" (picture some threatening bit of happening on the bridge of the Enterprise and Commander Riker shouting "shields up, red alert!). Just after I was able to get off a text warning that I would likely be late, the train starts to move.
We arrived at 14th street to a mad loading and unloading of passengers. Mildly relieved but still running late on a local train (lateness fear levels down to ORANGE) I began to do the only thing I could do to rectify my situation...attempt to will the train to become express with my mind. Just as I thought to myself that this wish was not even an entirely selfish one, as this train becoming express would likely alleviate some of what must be an immensely thrown off schedule after an almost half hour lag in train activity, the conductor announced "due to the delay reaching 14th street this train will be making express stops only". Being that I had just gotten what I needed and I had potentially willed the change myself, I let out a mildly inappropriatly loud Ric Flair like "WOO!".
Although the Lateness Fear Advisory System (L.F.A.S.) was down to YELLOW. The event that immediately followed would rocket the Holy Shit Advisory System (H.S.A.S.) level to a deep MAHOGANY.
Moments after my "WOO!", the man sitting directly across from me screamed "NOOOOO!", jolted up into the aisle between the subway doors, kicked one of the the doors shattering the glass, fiercely sat back down, pointed to me and screamed "FUCK YOU!". The other passengers and I tensely sat in silence, having all clearly "seen something" but collectively refusing to "say something", for what would prove to be a long slow ride from 14th street passed all the local stops to Chambers street where Osama Been-Ragin' deboarded.
I arrived at the office moments after the press conference ended, though at that point I didn't mind all that much, glad to have arrived at all.
------------------------------
One of the front runners in the City Council race is the teenage looking Stephen Levin. He is the most glaring example of what Doug Biviano calls the "Machine Candidates" in that he is the candidate (and chief of staff) of corrupt Democratic party boss Vito Lopez of the NY State Assembly. Despite Lopez's assembly district only overlapping the 33rd City Council district by a mere sliver, Lopez is intent on Levin taking the seat.
This is Levin's latest piece of campaign literature.

At the top it "quotes" the New York Times as saying "Stephen Levin is a 'Prime Candidate' for City Council". The problem with this assertion is that it directly misrepresents the actual quote from the New York Times which read "Stephen Levin WOULD BE a prime candidate for City Council EXCEPT for his entanglement in the Brooklyn Democratic machine". To quote Benjamin Disraeli, "What a fucknut". Levin sent out the mailing this weekend so that there wouldn't be enough time for rivals to notice and discredit him. The Daily News picked up our press release about it, but I fear the mailing has done its damage.
------------------------------
Now I'm off to sleep.
Tomorrow I'm going to be outside the polls at PS-8 in Brooklyn Heights from 10 am - 9pm, then back to the office for a (victory?) party.
Then I'm going with Celeste (who got me the job on the campaign to begin with) to see The Roots play their weekly Tuesday night show at the Highline Ballroom at midnight.
------------------------------
sleep

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Frankie Goes to Williamsburg

SETTING: Out with some friends of mine on quite a night of bowling, dancing, and a'drinkin'.

PROLOGUE: We leave the bowling alley and head for a bar called Hugs. After some shenanigans we get on the dance floor in the rear part of the bar. The group of friends has been dancing in a little boogie circle on the edge of the dance floor.

ACT I:

Celeste: Is this a gay bar?

Norm: I don't think so.

Celeste: Are you sure?

Norm begins slowly turning his gaze around the room while still at half boogie. He notices that in fact, other than their party, the only people in the bar were gay couples. The realization washes over him in a long drawn out instant where the sight of each successive couple he sees as he pans blasts him in an almost comical '80s movie kind of way. Like it isn't happening to him, but rather Steve Guttenberg or John Stamos.

Norm: Absolutely not.

Norm goes to the bathroom where he notices

(I definitely need to tell you something.
You look like a tranny and not in a good way...
)

END

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Socialized Menacin'

Today I witnessed a new New York City breed of ambulance chaser. A man was waiting in his car behind an ambulance, stopped with sirens blaring, evidently waiting for it to leave so he could take the parking space it was in front of.
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The Polyphonic Spree's current tour is ENTIRELY FREE! They're going through Boston, NJ, Dallas and New York. I reserved my 2 free tickets online for their New York show. I saw them 2 years ago in brooklyn and it was one of the best live shows I've ever seen. I went with a girl, after the show she commented that i was "happier tonight than she's ever seen me before". I have been strongly recommending to everyone in the select cities to go see this wonderful and uplifting show.
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A true Moment of Zen
The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Moment of Zen - Coulter Sells More Books
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealthcare Protests

Or perhaps even a M.O.G.
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I purchased David Cross's new book I Drink For a Reason for a total of 86 cents after coupons and gift cards. I'm only about 10 pages in, but it's already the funniest example of the written word mine eyes have come across. I've already laughed out loud (Lol'ed) several times on the subway.
"Tossing a thing you don't want or no longer desire to the curb is not really that bad if it's biodegradable, which a baby is, I guess; but come on now-let's apply some standards"
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While waiting outside of a store the other day a dragonfly landed on my friend Lindsey. It stayed right there for quite a while and actually looked intentional. It gave me an idea for a new animal rights campaign:

Monday, August 31, 2009

Pity POP

There's this Blackberry commercial that features U2 performing some song that quite unfortunatley is seared into my brain due to it's incessant repetition on TV and even the internet. It starts out "every generation has a chance to change the world..." and finishes with "...I'm gonna go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight".
This begs a few questions:
1)Have I gone crazy?
2)Why havn't I blown up the world yet?
3)Exactly what do Blackberries have to do with saving the world?
4)How many Bonos does it take to screw in a light bulb (1 to hold it, and the world to revolve around him)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooooooo!
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How can a movie as bad as The Postman have something as brilliant as that cameo by Tom Petty as himself?
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The best named store in America. Norwalk, CT's own Bob's Unpainted Furniture Gun Exchange
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In a nod to the era of Autotune, Merriam-Webster has officially changed the word "Shorty" to the three word phrase "Sho-Ta-Ie"
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Speaking of sho-ta-ie. I saw this kid Justin Bieber performing at the annual Arthur Ashe kids day event the day before the US Open. He's evidently "Usher's protege", a 12 year old white boy who repeatedly says sho-ta-ie in his song. Every time he said it I thought he should be lynched.
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Some Brooklyn based band names: Shoe Lace, Water Balloon, Salad Tong, Birthday Card, Pearl Cream, Damp Cloth, Rubber Stamp, Ugly Tire, Happy Teeth, Desktop Fear, Morose Germans, Paper Clip and Cleanup in Ilse Thrive
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Just saw a Daily News headline "Jon Gosselin's girlfriend 'Hailey Glassman' is looking for a new man on Match.com".....sorry everyone, we've gone too far, get your affairs in order, I have to blow up the world now.
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Friday, August 28, 2009

The Grabbing Hands

Every few days I get a little extra disgusted by the way that the current "debate" in American politics over healthcare has been turning out. The Democrats have super majorities in the House and Senate, and have an incredibly popular and publicly persuasive president (unintentional alliteration of the year award?). And yet they're still unable to even stand some sort of ground on getting every American health care, or even at least a cheaper public option. The lobbying thats going on over this healthcare bill is mind blowing. Literally hundreds of healthcare industry lobbyists are in Washington EVERYDAY trying to insure that we don't make the leap that every other western democracy in the world has to making the healthcare of our citizens a moral and civil obligation of the government.
Where would our country be today if in the time of so many historical pieces of legislation in our past there was the type of influence of money and power from groups whose interests so strongly oppose the public interest? I'm certain black and women's rights would have come along much slower. I doubt very much that we would have social security or medicare.

Socialized medicine will kill us all, your money belongs in your pocket, not helping to keep some old hag away from Sarah Palin's Death Panel
But by all means use my money to fund the NFL and Major League Baseball (and use our money/waste Congress' time investigating weather they used performance enhancing drugs)
You don't want a bureaucrat between you and your doctor, someone from your insurance company or HMO is good enough.
Oh enough with my multiple sargasms....take it away Gipper...

"between you and me....I hate politics" -Dan Bern

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Can I Fly?

I have a 2 year old nephew named Arian who comes up from Dallas to visit my mom fairly often with his grandmother, my aunt Ziba. A few weeks ago I decided to show Arian a fun time and I picked him up and carried him "flying" around the house and yard. I immediately realized the monster I had created when I put him down. He had no sooner hit the ground than he was jumping back up, arms outstretched, pleading with me "can I fly?" "can I fly?". Knowing Arian's language as I do, I understood that he was not asking if he really could fly, but rather was asking me to help him fly once more. So being one who is always inclined to bring joy to those who seek it, I picked him up again and flew him around some more. This time when I put him down I found that picking up a 2 year old and running around the house and up and down stairs can be quite tiring for my out of shape self. While I was inclined to rest at least for a little while, Arian's response was simply "can I fly?" "can I fly Normyyy?". I never found a way to properly distract him post flight so as to not leave him always wanting more. What I have found though is an instructive opportunity, a teachable moment if you will in these requests. Arian is at the age where gifts are lavished upon him, especially while he is here in the northeast visiting family. The other evening he returned home from my aunt's house with a little pink stuffed dog that my aunt had given him. The dog had a shirt with a peace symbol on it. I took this opportunity to attempt to teach Arian what the symbol was and what "peace" meant. Furthermore I taught him what the two fingered peace sign is and tried to show him how to do it. It was of course not easy (picture the average person attempting the vulcan "live long and prosper" salute). I decided that night that it would be my mission to teach Arian this hand gesture and pictured him taking it back to Texas with him and helping to save the world. My ingenious plan is this: every time Arian exclaims "can I fly?" I respond with "show me the peace sign" and I retrain him to flash the symbol and say "PEEEETH!". Progress is slow, but I give it another 24 hours before he's a regular Cindy Sheehan at the rate he goes. I believe, that he believes, that he can touch the sky!

Friday, August 21, 2009

We Will Get What We Want

We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want We Will Get What We Want

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Globo Warning?

The Reverend Billy is running for mayor of New York City and has my official endorsement (I'm also giving him a "thumbs up" at this very moment but it doesn't come through as well in text).
VoteRevBilly.org

VoteRevBilly.org
Spent a bit of time today with a lot of the folks from The Company that I haven't seen since I left. Various levels of alienation from them, some just "acted like they don't know"; forgetting perhaps that I have always advocated a firm "act like ya know" policy
'Round this time last week a wave was carrying my body and crashing it down upon and elderly swimming suit clad lady. Quite an interesting metaphor.
"Metaphors are not to be trifled with. A single metaphor can give birth to love"
Love has been gnawing at me like I was seared in garlic for quite a bit now. Such a fascinating game it is to play, just when the dark clouds seem to part, they reveal the mountains.
elpoep tsom naht retteb sgniht tsom
Of the many whatnotppenstances that living in New York City has helped me to understypher, one of my favorites has to be the following situation; when a brief interaction you have with a stranger is so real, that the person is compelled to say goodbye when it's over.

'Round this time last week I was skinnydipping in the ocean off Montauk under a beautiful star-filled night's sky. My friend Tim noticed that there were glowing blue dots in the water around us that seemed more than just reflections of the many stars. We soon realized that we were swimming amongst tiny bioluminescent life forms that glowed blue when disturbed. My experience of existence was so dense at that moment; nude in the water, the strength and fury of the waves bouncing and tossing my body, and the microscopic beings that let their existence be known to the world because of my presence. Glowing there in the water I remembered how life is for the living.
Without me you are nothing.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

[spam] Interesting and painful Message

WHY AM I SO FASCINATED BY THESE SPAM SCAMS???!!!?!?!?!!!
In light of my last post I thought I should also share this lovely spam scam I received as well, as it has some great examples of the aforementioned hilarious translation related misspellings, eg. "my cry and prayers has rise smokely to God".
If anyone is at all as interested in these scams as I am then I strongly recommend listening to this episode of This American Life featuring a group of scam-baiters who did some remarkable things to these scammers
______________________________________________________


Interesting and painful Message

May the maker of heaven and earth grant you the willing spirit to digest this important request of mine though you might find it difficult to believe me but it is only God that will speak to you as my cry and prayers has rise smokely to God to assist me in sourcing for a good reputable person to assist me in this ailing situation.

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you.
I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere proposition.

I am Samanta Tanoh by name 19yrs of age and the daughter and only child of the late Dr. Brendan Tanoh a very wealthy cocoa merchant and competent business man here in Abidjan, the economic capital of Cote D'Ivoire formally known as Ivory coast.

My father was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings on a business trip.
My lovely mother died when I was still 2yrs and since then my father took me so special as his survival dependent.

Before the death of my father in August 2006 in a private hospital herein Abidjan he secretly called me on his bed side and told me that he has the sum of (Eleven Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars)USD$11.500,000 deposited in one of the famous Banks here in Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire, that he used my name as his only child for the next of Kin in depositing the funds.
He also explained to me that it was because of this funds that he was poisoned by his business associates.
That I should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for investment purposes, such as real estate management or hotel management.

I am humbly seeking for your assistance in the following ways: (i)To contact the Bank and request for the release of the funds to you as my late parents family friend abroad.
(ii)To serve as a guardian of this fund since I am only 19 yrs old.
(iii)To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit in your country.

Moreover, I am willing to offer you 20% of the total sum as compensation
for your effort/input after the successful transfer of this funds to you
in your country.

Furthermore, you indicate your options towards assisting me as I believe
that this transaction would be concluded within fourteen (14) days you
should signify your interest to assist me.. Anticipating to hear from you soon.
Due to my present condition and the confidentiality of this matter
please reply to me immediately.
Thanks and God bless.
Best regards,
Miss. Samantha Tanoh

[spam] ExxonMobil Promotions ATTN: WINNER

What I love about this little bit of spam scam is that it supposedly comes from ExxonMobil and among the personal information they ask for are my "remarks about ExxonMobil", maybe this is a way to bait left wingers into responding.
Also, it is devoid of the usual hilarious translation related misspellings....until they refer to me as one of their "luckly winners" and sign off as an "Online Co-ordinator"
________________________________________________________

Menara ExxonMobil
Kuala Lumpur City Center
50088 Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia
PHONE: +60.103.732.2721

This is to inform you that ExxonMobil Oil Company, Malaysia has awarded you
the sum of $1,000,000 USD. This email is randomly sent to 10 people
worldwide. Your verification number is: (EM2009-10/6) Please
Understand that this promotion is Neither a Lottery nor a Gambling
Winning. To file claims, please contact the claims processing officer
on the email or phone number provided below:

CLAIMS PROCESSING OFFICER:
Mr. Adil Fatin
EMAIL: exxonmobilpromo1@yahoo.com.hk
Phone: +60.103.732.2721

You are also advised to provide him with:

NAME IN FULL:
CONTACT ADDRESS:
AGE:
NATIONALITY:
OCCUPATION:
PHONE:
FAX:
MOBILE:
SEX (M/F):
ANNUAL INCOME:
REMARKS ABOUT EXXON MOBIL:

We are glad to have you as one of our luckly winners.

Yours Sincerely,
Online Co-ordinator..

Thursday, May 7, 2009

doing my part

I was on a train from NYC to Stamford yesterday and there were a bunch of businessmen talking across rows and aisles. They were engaged in a boisterous conversation about Dancing With the Stars. They kept talking about this person and that person and every few minutes they would either comment on how gay one of the contestants are or make a gay joke about one another. I was sitting about 3 rows ahead of them and after about 20 minutes I yelled out "You guys sure do toss the word gay around an awful lot for a bunch of grown men discussing Dancing With the Stars". There was laughter.

Monday, March 30, 2009

think ALBUM

painting by Sky Thompson

My Top 15 Albums
Because shazam

I tried to think ALBUM and not songs

I am offended by the things I have left off of this list

In alphabetical order by album title



Mos Def - Black on Both Sides (honorable mention to the Blackstar album)

Manu Chao - Clandestino

Bob Dylan - Freewheelin' Bob Dylan (keepin' it to 1 per artist since I've only got 15 to work with here)

Crash Test Dummies - God Shuffled His Feet

William Ackerman - In Search of the Turtle's Navel

Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane over the Sea

The Strokes - Is This It (/all of their albums)

Radiohead - Kid A (I would honestly put all of their albums except Pablo Honey on any proper list of my favorites)

Black Crowes - Lions

Kila - Live in Dublin (barely beats Lemonade and Buns)

The Clash - London Calling

Depeche Mode - Songs of Faith and Devotion (another tough one)

Polyphonic Spree - Together We're Heavy

Cornershop - When I was Born For the 7th Time

Joanna Newsome - Ys (this is a wash I love Milk Eyed Mender equally but Sawdust and Diamonds on Ys is my favorite song so that gets the official selection of the committee despite early commitment to think ALBUM)

Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Best Thing I've Ever Done

1 year ago today
My brother Sam asked me to lift him up on my shoulders

One year ago today my blood stem cells were transplanted into my brother Sam, in the hopes of regenerating healthy cancer free bone marrow, to rid him of the T-Cell Lymphoma that had been ominously threatening his life.
There were certainly times where the unnerving possibilities were demoralizing and grim. But alas, the procedure was a success, and with the help of the amazing oncology team at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center Sam has been making a full recovery. Today Sam (who wrote about the entire ordeal on his blog) is busy planning his wedding and completing the hand surgery fellowship in Pittsburgh that he had to leave behind after he was re-diagnosed 2 years ago.
One year ago today I helped save my brother's life,
And it was the best thing I've ever done

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

SHOCK - WebWedding, Attack Ads, Colbert and Mormon Basketball

________________________________________________

I'm at my mom's house and the TV is on CNN (we watched Obama's press conference about a half hour ago) And I found what came on shocking.
An attack ad!
Less than 100 days into the new administration, almost 2 years from any substantive election, and already an ATTACK AD!!%@%#??@^!!!!!!

The ad is called SHOCKED and it was paid for by a group called the American Issues Project, a right wing group created by Harold Simmons (founding member of one of the finest organizations in US history, Swiftboat Veterans for Truth). Simmons was the lone financier of the AIP when it ran ads attacking Obama for his links to Weatherman Bill Ayers. These attack ads were themselves attacked by the associated press for their questionable "facts" and illegality...oh yeah, American Issues Project is registered as a 501c4 and thus not allowed to do partisan electoral politicking, but alas, if your not very concerned with the truth, you probably don't give a toss about the law?
I just attack their morals. There's really no point to being so divisive at this time in the political cycle. This trend is a bit frightening to me. Are we in for a 24/7/365ization of the smearing (and anointing) of politicians et al? THE WORLD TODAY! HELL IN A HAND BASKET I TELL YA!

________________________________________________

Speaking of anointing...another victory for Stephen Colbert!
NASA conducted a poll to determine the name of a new node of the International Space Station, and the winner is..."Colbert"!
According to NASA the poll was not intended to be the final word on what the name will be, but rather to aid a naming committee that will make its determination in April. They say they will almost definitely name SOMETHING on the ISS after Colbert, but perhaps only a toilet...PATAH!
This is the biggest Colbert related naming sham since Hungary switched the rules of the naming contest for their new bridge over the Danube so that only deceased people could win. Colbert is however supposed to have his DNA included in the space station's Immortality Drive archive of human DNA.
I guess Stephen will have to make due with the spider species named after him Aptostichus Stephencolberti.

He was named this after he complained about the Myrmekiaphila Neilyoungi on his show.
________________________________________________

My friend Sean noted last spring that he hates the Utah Jazz because he doesn't want the Mormons to be happy.
I agree with him.
Even though they have AK-47

Andrei Kirilenko, the scrawny Russian defensive menace.
Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo (not on the Jazz) may be the oldest player in the NBA, but he's not entirely positive when he was born, making him 44ish.

Friday, March 13, 2009

WEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOUU

And I you

"Norm, You're a C*%T But We Love You" - Jenny, Ben, Aidan, and Alyanya

Is Jon Stewart Gonna Have to Choke a Bitch?

It started with this brilliant clip from the Daily Show last week where Jon Stewart rips CNBC to shreds for being so wrong leading up to the financial crisis.
CNBC's Rick Santelli had declared his disgust over Obama giving money to bail out people who couldn't pay their mortgages. The ridiculous hypocrisy in Santelli's stance (bailing out individuals that have made bad decisions is abhorrent, yet multi-billion dollar bailouts for corporations that consistently were mismanaged and swindling is fine) annoyed Stewart and he was invited on the Daily Show to talk about it. This clip is from the show he was to appear on.


This launched a bit of a feud between Stewart and CNBCs most famous face Jim "Mad Money" Cramer


Trying to save the reputation of the network Cramer came on the daily show last night, the discussion took up the whole show was one the greatest ass kickings I've ever seen. The full interviews went on for much longer than expected, so linked below is not the full episode, but rather the complete unedited interview.
!!!THIS IS GOOD STUFF!!!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Even more impressive than this classic clip where Stewart tears up Tucker Carlson and the CNN punditry in 2004

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Travis the Chimp

Stamford, CT's own Travis the Chimpanzee has been shot dead after flipping out and attacking his owner's family friend.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/17/nyregion/17chimp.html
I remember the 2nd floor window of the body shop he used to hang out at. I only ever saw him twice, the first time being when I was getting the car worked on down the street and was just taking a walk, I notice a stream of water pouring onto the driveway I'm walking past then look up and see this chimp in a window holding a water hose over the driveway below for seemingly no non-irreverent reason. He then threw a teddy bear at me and lowered a bucket for me to give it back to him in. That was about 10 years ago, and yet to this day I rarely can drive on Magee Ave towards my family's home without rubbernecking to see if I can catch a glimpse of the chimp in the window.
When I was in school his legend was very mythical, for he wasn't just a chimp. He was a chimp that would ride around in a corvette or a pick-up truck wearing overalls and diapers. I was one of the first to make a positive ID and stick to my story despite the detractors and nay-sayers. "NAY" they would say! But alas, this time the raving madman turns out to be right.

...Also there is an abandoned Beagote shack in Mansfield, CT where it is alleged that beagles and coyotes were being cross bread
...the truth is out there

The above cartoon is from today's NY Post.
I don't think I've seen a more public display of racism in quite a while.
The Audacity of Whatthe%#@k?!?!!????

P.S. They hate us for our freedom

Wednesday, January 14, 2009